This is what my husband says every time he tries to persuade me to do something I don’t want to do.
He won’t let me give up.
Someday, not in the morning, but someday, I’ll thank him, but right now, I just want to throttle him.
I swear my brain is like the watched pot that never boils. I can beat my brains out over something and then I’ll come up with a solution or a good/better idea as I’m oh, playing Sudoku on BART or checking expiration dates on milk at the store or squishing my feet into my shoes instead of untying and relacing them or using a shoe horn/tree/? thingie. Where was I? Oh yes. New game plan. Wish me luck!
I took some me-time/fam-time this past weekend. I spent a little time being a kid in her 20s, which is what I am. Sometimes people forget that.
I drove down to L.A. on Wednesday. I’m really lucky in that my husband gets along with my family and I get along with all the in-laws I’ve met so far. Just before I left, my dad asked us if we were going to come down for Christmas and the husband said “sure” without sarcasm.
(None of my family members have met any of my in-laws. I would need a note-taker at my side at all times to document the hilarity if and when that were to happen. Loud, short-tempered, blunt and yet excessively polite around strangers Koreans meet quieter but still chattychatty Israeli Jews with European manners. Are you laughing yet?)
My dad’s new girlfriend is a very good cook so the husband and I had some really great home-cooked meals. She packed a spare ice chest full of jars of kimchee and various Korean pickled veggies and freezer bags of marinated beef for us to take home. I’m a decent cook but she’s got mad skills.
My dad also prepared this Korean ground bean and powder honey stuff for me. Apparently you dissolve a spoonful in milk to drink and it’s good to treat thinning hair. My dad’s already seen some regrowth and his friend’s lashes scrape his glasses now. My dad knows my already fine hair tends to fall out when I stress out so he bought me a lot of this stuff. I also got his excellent fruit smoothie recipe. Oh, and his aviators. Hee.
Speaking of hair, I stopped by this beauty shop on Larchmont, after stopping by my favorite sushi place for lunch, and *finally* got myself a bottle of Klorane’s dry shampoo. This stuff is amazing! I have thin, fine hair that gets greasy quickly. I shower around 7:30am every day and often looks just-barely-not-quite-disgusting by 7:30pm and of course it goes downhill from there. It’s a white spray but the color disappears against my dark brown hair once you comb it through.
Both my brother and a cousin who is practically another brother to me are deep in college prep mode–the former to start, the latter to transfer. We had some long talks and it was good to get my mind off of my own crap and feel sorta useful at the same time. It was also good to remind myself of how lucky I am to a. know what I want to do with my life and b. be past college. I mean, college was great but the roller coaster of uncertainty, cockiness, fear, and carelessness can only be ridden for so long.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what my next steps will be. I’m usually not so indecisive but I’m going a little crazy trying to figure out what to do. I haven’t sold any dresses yet. It’s incredibly embarrassing. I got a couple of rejection emails, but I think mainly I just couldn’t break into the buyers’ fortress. Should I keep pushing through? Should I just move on to my next collection? I can’t decide whether this collection really sucked mad donkey balls or my business decisions have been poor. I’m pretty angry with myself but mostly I’m just trying to unravel this knot I’m in. Grr. There are not enough hours in the day to just think, ya know? Don’t worry though; my mindset has improved immensely. I’ve gone from, “I’m a farking failure” to “How do I get myself out of the mess I’ve made of things?”. Probably explains the 3 weeks of migraines.
The photo above was featured in W magazine back in 2002, my senior year of school.
Left to right: fitting notetaker, me, Joe McFate (Bob Mackie Design Group Executive Design Coordinator), Bob Mackie, my teacher Sally, the model, Laurie, wearing the first muslin of my dress, and our department chair Rose Brantley.
Sally was a studio professor of mine my senior year at Otis. She helped me construct my Bob Mackie dress and I learned so, so much from her. She was incredibly knowledgeable in constructing the highest quality garments, but still modest enough to allow me to bounce my own ideas off of her superior brain. I still fondly remember our conversations picking apart the dress, tackling the construction issues, and also just rambling about our daily minutiae.
One time, I set the dress on a mannequin and crawled under it to do some handsewing to the innards. (The thing has about 80091 layers.) I was so tired I fell asleep under the dress, my head on the mannequin stand, needle still in hand. Some time later my head snapped awake to the sound of Sally calling out, “Zoë! Where’s Zoë?” I wiped my drool and popped my head out of all 80091 layers of skirt and in my most alert voice, I called out, “Sally! I’m here! Hemming!”
Today I received notice that Sally passed away after a long battle with cancer. Otis has lost one its best teachers and the world, a kind, generous and patient heart and a knowledgeable brain. With a heavy heart, I am spreading word of her memorial service, in case any of my SoCal readers wanted to attend.
This Friday, August 15 at 12:30 pm
Hollywood Hills Forest Lawn
The Church of The Hills, also known as the White Church.
6300 Forest Lawn Drive, Los Angeles 90068
There are things in the works that I can’t really detail right now. Why? Because no one wants to read a post that long. Because I try not to count my chickens before they hatch. However, I can report that I’m hopeful and excited and feeling better about my work than I have in a long time. (Special thanks to A!)
On another pleasant note, a couple of weeks ago, a fashion student emailed me, asking to interview me for a school project. I agreed, which I often do. Yesterday I received a very nice thank you card from her in the (snail) mail. Combined with her approach, her manner during our lunch and her followup, she just jumped to the top of my list of people who have asked to be my intern. This is the kind of person I want to speak on behalf of my company. I only mention this because people are always asking me for tips on how to get hired/promoted/started/etc.
Thanks for all your well wishes–I am definitely feeling much better these days. The migraines stopped and then I got a headcold, which is in its last stages. I love being sick! It’s so sexy! Oy.
2 weeks, off and on. My sincerest apologies for emails and phones calls not returned in a timely manner. I’m trying.